Once critical, Kevin Maguire ‘now cool’ with Valiant

[jmatt]

All in good fun? Now you tell me!

What am I going to do with all these explosives?

Somewhere on sub-basement Level 4 at the NSA headquarters in Fort Meade, Maryland, a red light blinks ominously on a panel as Junior Data Coordinator Bill Henderson rips a page off the printer...

"It can't be. Explosives?"

"Whaddya got, Henderson?"

"Oh, hey John. I was just doing a routine daily scan on pop culture sites and saw something about explosives."

"So, we see that a million times a day. Why are you wasting ti..."

"Well, it's just that it was in such close proximity to references about Quotem..."

Data Supervisor John Malverne turned his full attention to Henderson. "Now that is interesting."

"But that's not all. Look at the spikes here on the data synthesizer. The reference is practically sitting on top of priority scan term number twelve."

"Charty? But number twelve's been cold for over a year now."

"The machine doesn't lie, John. It's right there. Explosives. Quotem. Charty. Do you think..."

"I don't have to think, that's what the machines are for. Doris! Get me the President on the line and have the chopper pool spool up a unit for immediate departure with Team 9! Tell them this is not a drill! Henderson, start pulling up everything you've got on this... Greg Holland. And get the IRS on the phone, I wanna see everything from political affiliations to tax returns for this so-called comic website."

"Whoa, John, we don't even know..."

"Henderson, it's number twelve. Charty. We've got the b@stard."

[lorddunlow]

All in good fun? Now you tell me!

What am I going to do with all these explosives?

Somewhere on sub-basement Level 4 at the NSA headquarters in Fort Meade, Maryland, a red light blinks ominously on a panel as Junior Data Coordinator Bill Henderson rips page off the printer...

"It can't be. Explosives?"

"Whaddya got, Henderson?"

"Oh, hey John. I was just doing a routine daily scan on pop culture sites and saw something about explosives."

"So, we see that a million times a day. Why are you wasting ti..."

"Well, it's just that it was in such close proximity to references to Quotem..."

"Now that is interesting."

"But that's not all. Look at the spikes here on the data synthesizer. The reference is practically sitting on top of priority scan term number twelve."

"Charty? But number twelve's been cold for over a year now."

"The machine doesn't lie, John. It's right there. Explosives. Quotem. Charty. Do you think..."

"I don't have to think, that's what the machines are for. Doris! Get me the President on the line and have the chopper pool spool up a unit for immediate departure with Team 9! Tell them this is not a drill! Henderson, start pulling up everything you've got on this... Greg Holland. And get the IRS on the phone, I wanna see everything from political affiliations to tax returns for this so-called comic website."

"Whoa, John, we don't even know..."

"Henderson, it's number twelve. Charty. We've got the b@stard."

[MarkRoseHFX]

What happens next?!?!?!

[BugsySig]

All in good fun? Now you tell me!

What am I going to do with all these explosives?

Somewhere on sub-basement Level 4 at the NSA headquarters in Fort Meade, Maryland, a red light blinks ominously on a panel as Junior Data Coordinator Bill Henderson rips page off the printer...

"It can't be. Explosives?"

"Whaddya got, Henderson?"

"Oh, hey John. I was just doing a routine daily scan on pop culture sites and saw something about explosives."

"So, we see that a million times a day. Why are you wasting ti..."

"Well, it's just that it was in such close proximity to references about Quotem..."

"Now that is interesting."

"But that's not all. Look at the spikes here on the data synthesizer. The reference is practically sitting on top of priority scan term number twelve."

"Charty? But number twelve's been cold for over a year now."

"The machine doesn't lie, John. It's right there. Explosives. Quotem. Charty. Do you think..."

"I don't have to think, that's what the machines are for. Doris! Get me the President on the line and have the chopper pool spool up a unit for immediate departure with Team 9! Tell them this is not a drill! Henderson, start pulling up everything you've got on this... Greg Holland. And get the IRS on the phone, I wanna see everything from political affiliations to tax returns for this so-called comic website."

"Whoa, John, we don't even know..."

"Henderson, it's number twelve. Charty. We've got the b@stard."

OMFG I am *SQUEE* dying right now...that's Page 1

[Burrito Boy]

That's hilarious, jmatt.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to skip the country before Jack Bauer comes to shoot me in the head. After all, I was the one who mentioned explosives. Once the government is finished waterboarding Greg, they'll be coming after me.

[lorddunlow]

That's hilarious, jmatt.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to skip the country before Jack Bauer comes to shoot me in the head. After all, I was the one who mentioned explosives. Once the government is finished waterboarding Greg, they'll be coming after me.

You'll be safe. Everyone know government employees love tacos! I can just blame everything on the Canadians.

[MarkRoseHFX]

That's hilarious, jmatt.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to skip the country before Jack Bauer comes to shoot me in the head. After all, I was the one who mentioned explosives. Once the government is finished waterboarding Greg, they'll be coming after me.

So that's why 24 is coming back....

[Shadowman99]

Excellent stuff

[jmatt]

What happens next?!?!?!

“Next slide, Doris. This man is known only as Quotem; something of a super speed reader, if you will. A legend in the dark corners of the internet, he is rumored to have read every forum thread that ever existed and can simultaneously monitor a hundred internet conversations. An oddity, to be sure, but a benign enough talent.”

“Then what’s the ruckus about, John? Why are we all here?”

“Director Adams, guests, I assure you all that this will be worth your while. Doris, next slide please."

"And here we have the infamous Charty. For those of you unfamiliar with number twelve, Charty is a savant, an individual whose entire mental energy is focused like a laser on one specific ability. Number twelve literally sees patterns in data; he can see derivatives and correlations that would take a warehouse of supercomputers a week to sort out. He’s the man who cracked our Genesis Code last year, earning him the well-deserved twelfth spot on our most wanted list.”

The Director leaned forward in his chair. “So you picked up trails on an internet encyclopedia and Rain Man. Nice work. Can we go now? I have a staff meeting at four.”

“Not trails, Director Adams. Trail. The same trail. The two are coordinating efforts and using this comics website as a front. Henderson picked it up on the synthesizer.”

“Could you please just spit it out? What are you getting at?”

Data Supervisor John Malverne resisted the urge to smirk. “Simply put, Director, these two men, acting in concert, rival our own spying abilities. They know everything and more importantly, can make sense of it. With Charty’s statistical predicative ability, they will know what’s going to happen before it ever occurs. We could not hope to compete with that power.”

“My God, man! They could put the NSA out of business! They could ally with the Chinese! We’ve got to act!”

“I dispatched Team 9 sixty minutes ago, Director. They'll be on station within the hour.”

[MarkRoseHFX]

LOVING it

[Shadowman99]

Yeah, this is really funny

I sure hope Bugsy's scribbling away frantically with his crayons right about now

[Burrito Boy]

I'm pretty much a narcissist. I often read my old posts over and over in order to bask in my own awesomeness. But lately I find myself constantly rereading jmatt's posts. They're that damn good.

[jmatt]

Greg Holland walked into his storage unit, popped open a longbox and tugged on a copy of Unity Red. As a hidden panel slid open on the floor, he descended the stairs to the VF Command Center.

“Jackson, bring me up to speed.”

“Bastos has them mind linked in the communications room down on level three. Charty absorbs everything Quotem sees. Greg, they’re worse than ever. Something’s up.”

The pair headed for an elevator. “Explain.”

“Quotem’s surfing so fast the screens are a blur. I think I’m seeing a lot of Twitter in there, which is unusual for him. And Charty’s a drooling idiot. He’s scribbling on that little whiteboard a hundred miles an hour. He’s not even bothering to wipe it clear before he’s onto his next computation... or whatever it is he’s doing. His head's rolling all around -- he’s not even looking at the board, Greg. I’m worried.”

Entering the communications room, he could see that Jackson’s concern was warranted. Bastos sat in the corner in a trance, maintaining the mind link. Quotem was rambling in broken sentences.

“Messner will be late again… Ortega… miss dinner… Jurgenson… Colletta… no can do... maybe on Friday… Krakauer... not tonight… bird four is fueled and in the air.... Busiek... bullsh!t.”

“What the hell is he talking about?”

“This is what I’m saying. The two of them started going nuts a couple of hours ago.”

Holland spun Charty around in his chair and grabbed him by his white labcoat lapels.

“Charty? Charty, can you hear me?”

Charty’s eyes rolled back in his head. “Ninety-four percent chance. Ninety-seven point two. NSA. Now ninety-nine point seven. They’re coming.”

“Who? Who’s coming?”

Charty suddenly looked Holland dead in the eye. “Team 9.”

[MarkRoseHFX]

this is becoming one of my favorite books

[Shadowman99]

this is becoming one of my favorite books

+1

[grendeljd]

Holy crap, this has turned into just about the funniest, best thread ever in the last week! I'm L'ing MF'ing AO here! jmatt, your Q&A tale is just brilliant. More!!

You guys probably can't get that Josh Deck guy to draw this thing though... I hear he's charging top dollar for his work. Ask Hawkeyeps or MarkRoseHfx!



And btw, I may have jotted down an idea or two in pencil one day last week after reading Bugsy's Q&A descriptions...

[MarkRoseHFX]

And btw, I may have jotted down an idea or two in pencil one day last week after reading Bugsy's Q&A descriptions...

NICE